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*WARNING! Read at your own risk!*
My writing may not be smooth (or may not even make sense) because my brain is not always quite right while it is recovering from it's little injury.
Life changes us, God changes us, His love and mercy change us. So much has bubbled up inside me, asking to be shared, but I have lacked the courage to "say it out loud" through my writing. My brain doesn't cease to compose and explain and examine, but rarely have the words come out of my fingers via pen and paper or computer keys, partly due to physical pain and partly due to a fear of the vulnerability that comes sharing oneself through the written word. As friends and family lifted the paralytic through the roof, so my friends and family have begun encouraging me to write, and I hear the Lord saying, "Take up your keyboard and write!" as He once commanded the paralytic to walk. This in no way guarantees the quality of my writing, so don't hold it against our Good Lord if my words don't make sense, annoy you, or are just plain boring. Instead, take an opportunity to offer it up for the Holy Souls this month.
So here's my story. Three weeks ago today I tripped over my own two feet and fell down, landing on my right side and bumping my head. It was enough of an impact to stun me and leave me with a variety of symptoms called post-concussion syndrome. I have had severe headaches, dizziness, am quickly fatigued, vision disturbances, anxiety some interference with my speech when I have "over done it." There have been three emergency room visits (did I mention anxiety?) with two cat-scans (meow) a neurologist and an upcoming MRI, The cure - "brain rest." Limit TV, computer, reading, music, everything. Even music - a comfort and joy but now I can feel the notes as they seem to land in my brain, and although it is not extremely painful, it is quite disconcerting and in no way relaxing.
During this time my brain has not ceased to put words together (accept for the afternoon that it sang "lalalalalalalalalala" for so long that I thought I was losing my mind!) I have allowed these words to languish within - all the words and phrases and sentences and thoughts and reflections and praises of God. I have felt a growing compulsion to allow to these words to pour out through my fingers and into cyberspace that reminds me of Jeremiah 20:9 "I would say to myself, 'I will not think about him, I will not speak in his name any more,' but then there seemed to be a fire burning in my heart, imprisoned in my bones. The effort to restrain it wearied me, I could not do it."
And so here I am, still struggling along the little way, one day at a time, seeking His will, seeking to serve Him as He asks at the moment. This article is my small "yes" to Him today. It is my little gift to Him. I am picking up my mat and following Him one little step at a time.