St. Therese and the Little Straws: Surviving Aridity in Prayer

Little Straws to Throw Upon the Embers
Image via Microsoft Clip Art May 2013

"In times of aridity when I am incapable of praying, of practicing virtue, I seek little opportunities, mere trifles, to give pleasure to Jesus; for instance a smile, a pleasant word when inclined to be silent and to show weariness. If I find no opportunities, I at least tell Him again and again that I love Him; that is not difficult and it keeps alive the fire in my heart. Even though this fire of love might seem to me extinct I would still throw little straws upon the embers and I am certain it would rekindle."  

From "Thoughts of Saint Therese by Tan Publisher: XVI Letter to Her Sister Celine

  

When we are going through the times that it feels impossible to pray, when it is tortuous to sit in quite with ourselves and the Lord,  it is a very un-holy and un-saintly feeling. Sometimes there is a feeling of being very far away from God, and what sorrow that causes when the soul longs to be closely embraced by the One it loves! And sometimes even the love seems not to be there, although we want it to be there. How miserable and alone we can feel and most especially during prayer times.

 

What consolation to know that even the saints experienced this aridity! St. Therese even says that at times she felt as though  the "...fire of love might seem to me extinct..." So we know we are not alone, that there is hope for us yet!

 

St. Therese talks of throwing "little straws upon the embers" with the certainty of rekindling that fire in her heart, that love of Jesus that doesn't seem to be burning, but she know it is there. We may not believe it is there still within us, but that fire was really planted at our baptism. Maybe we don't feel the warmth of it at the moment, but like St. Therese we can "throw little straws upon the embers."

 

Our little straws can be very simple, just as St. Therese's were simple. A smile when we are feeling depressed or sadden, a kind word to one we would rather snap out or ignore, short aspirations that speak of our love and trust in the Lord - "Jesus, I trust in You!" or whatever has spoken to our heart in the past or at the moment.

 

And most of all, when we would like to run and hide from our prayer time, to watch a TV show instead of embrace the misery of time alone with God, or to write a blog post in order to avoid approaching what feels like the barren desert, we must push on and pick up that little straw to throw upon the fire, too.

 

We give our time to Him in prayer, as much as we can manage even when it is miserable. Why? Because it is how we choose to love Him, it is how we choose to fan the flames that we can no longer feel. We trust Him. We love Him. And we are not alone in this suffering, even saints have gone before us along this at times quite painful path. But this season will change. The straw will ignite and the glow will warm our souls once more.

 

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The Descent of the Holy Spirit

One of my favorite books, Divine Intimacy, is out of print right now so I thought I would share today's meditation on Pentecost with you. This is from Section 189, "The Descent of the Holy Spirit."

"Pentecost is the plenitude of God's gift to men. On Christmas Day, God gives us His only-begotten Son, Christ Jesus, the Mediator, the Bridge connecting humanity and divinity.

During Holy Week, Jesus, by His Passion, gives Himself entirely for us, even to death on the Cross. He bathes us, purifying and sanctifying us in His Blood.

At Easter, Christ rises, and His Resurrection, as well as His Ascension, is the pledge of our own glorification.

He goes before us to His Father's house to prepare a place for us, for in Him and with Him, we have become children of God, destined for eternal beatitude.

But the gift of God to men does not end there; having ascended into heaven, Jesus, in union with the Father, sends us His Spirit, the Holy Spirit.

The Father and the Holy Spirit, loved us to the point of giving us the Word in the Incarnation; the Father and the Word so loved us as to give us the Holy Spirit. Thus the three Persons of the Trinity gives Themselves to man, stopping to this poor nothing to redeem him from sin, to sanctify him, and to bring him into Their own intimacy.

Such is the excessive charity with which God has loved us; and the divine gift to our souls reaches its culminating point in the gift of the Holy Spirit, who is the Gift par excellence: Altissimi Donum Dei, Gift of the Most High God.

The Holy Spirit, the bond and pledge of the mutual love of the Father and the Son, He who accepts, seals, and crowns their reciprocal gift, is given to our souls through the infinite merits of Jesus, so that He will be able to complete the work of our sanctification.

By His descent upon the Apostles under the form of tongues of fire, the Holy Spirit shows us how He, the Spirit of love, is given to us in order to transform us by the His charity, and having transformed us, to lead us back to God."


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Am I Praying Wrong?

 Stained glass detail from St Mary's Episcopal Cathedral in Glasgow
by Fr. Lawrence Lew, O.P
 See more of Fr. Lawrence's photos on Flickr

It seems to me that God draws us to prayer whether we "know" how to pray or not. We may not realize what we are doing as children when we read a Bible story and imagine what it would have been like to be there, or as adults when gratitude to God wells up within us and we express it by thanking Him, but that is prayer. This natural drawing to pray may be enhanced by learning more about what prayer is and various methods of prayer, but we mustn't ever let the learning get in the way of the love.

Prayer is our intimate communion with our Creator, our Beloved, our Savior. Prayer is what animates our life, giving breath to our soul, joy in the midst of sorrow, hope in times of despair. As I read and learn I become more and more aware that we can't put prayer into a rigid box; there are different seasons in our prayer life, different ways that we communicate to God and He communicates His love to us. Prayer may seem different, but as long as we keep praying and don't give up, we are on the right track.

There have been many times that I worried,  "Am I praying the right way?" or "Oh no! I have forgotten how to pray! I don't think I am doing it right anymore!" or even, "Am I praying wrong?"  Sometimes even the thought of praying can seem overwhelming when we don't know where to begin. Thankfully, we are blessed to have a rich banquet of resources spread before us, resources that teach us how to pray and also deepen our understanding of prayer.

 +Kris McGregor's website Discerning Hearts is one of these wonderful resources. Fr. Timothy Gallagher in his podcasts Meditation and Contemplations: An Ignatian Guide to Prayer with Scripture provides a very simple, yet deep, introduction to prayer with his typical gentle and ever-reverent treatment of our intimate communion with God. If you prefer reading over listening, Fr. Gallagher also has a book by the same title as the podcast.

I found especially helpful Fr. Gallagher's clarification of the meaning of  "meditation" and "contemplation" used by St. Ignatius as compared to St. John of the Cross's use of these words. St. John of the Cross uses "meditation" to describe prayer we are actively initiating, and "contemplation" to describe a gift of prayer that God gives as we grow in our interior life with Christ. St. Ignatius uses "mediation" to describe using our intellect to think about and consider a scripture reading and "contemplation" when we use our imagination in picturing the scene, imagining the sights and sounds and smells. These are my very brief interpretations of what Fr. Gallagher has elucidated much more clearly, merely to whet your palate for more.

 The Lord is longing for you, for me. He longs for our response.

"Draw me and we shall run after thee!" (Song of Songs 1:4, Douay-Rheims Catholic Bible) Our Good God draws us to prayer, draws us to rest in His embrace, draws us to silence. We respond by running to Him, rushing to Him like a little child throws themselves into the arms of a loving parent. It is a simple movement but sometimes we need a reminder of how to take those little steps.

 The podcasts at www.DiscerningHearts.com offer many reminders of how to pray, of encouragement to deepen our spiritual relationship with God and take those little steps towards Him. As we learn new ways to love and be loved by God, our prayer evolves and changes. And then we find that we really haven't forgotten how to pray at all, it is just a different season and we have to let God - and our prayer time - out of the box we had kept it in. He draws us, we run after Him. That is prayer.

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Singing Alleluia Through Our Tears

Image by Amanda Rose 2012
Petite Jean State Park, AK

Easter is our season to rejoice, for our “Alleluia” to resound after forty penitential days preparing for our Savior’s Passion, death, and resurrection. But can we rejoice when we feel no joy? How do we sing “Alleluia” through our tears?

 We each have suffering in our own lives that cannot be measured or compared. Whether it is the physical and emotional suffering experienced by victims of an unexpected explosion, the suffering of a mother holding a terminally ill child, the agony of a body wracked by cancer eating away within it, the pain of words that cut to the quick and wound to the soul – all suffering hurts, all suffering leaves scars, and all suffering has been redeemed by Christ.

“Rejoice in the Lord always!” resounds in Philippians 4:4 and repeats throughout the New Testament.  These words were written and repeated by men who were persecuted, who suffered, who felt physical and emotional pain just as we do. They suffered and yet they continued to teach us to rejoice in the Lord always.

Reflecting on the horrors committed each day does not elicit joyful feelings within us, nor should it. We do not rejoice over the evil in the world, or that which remains within each of us to varying degrees. We do not rejoice over the pain and suffering surrounding us and within our own lives. 

Yet, we can still rejoice in the Lord. We can sing our Alleluia even as tears overflow. 

We do not need to feel joy or happiness regarding our current circumstances in order to rejoice in the Lord’s resurrection, to rejoice in Who He is.  Although we may be covered by a momentary darkness, it is the hope of His resurrection that is the cause of our joyful anticipation. We know that the darkness of the tomb is only temporary; we know the end of the story is His glory. We know the story of His love for us. This is why we rejoice.

Our stunned silence can begin to be filled with “Glory to God.”  

Orthodox Metropolitan Tryphon wrote “Akathist Hymn: Glory to God for All Things" shortly before his death in 1934, and his beautiful words resound in the darkness of our day.  His words can perhaps help us find our own “Glory to God” and pronounce our own “alleluia” once again. 

From Akathist Hymn: Glory to God for All Things, Ikos 12

“… But I know how nature gives praise to You: in winter I have beheld the moonlit stillness when the whole earth quietly prays to You, clothed in white and sparkling with diamonds of snow – I have seen how the rising sun rejoices in You and the choirs of birds resound in praise – I have heard the forest speak mysteriously of You, the waters gurgle and the choirs of stars preach of You with their harmonious movement in infinite space. But what is my praise! Nature responds to Your laws, but I do not.  Yet while I am alive, I see Your love, I want to thank, to pray, to call out:

 Glory to You Who has shown us light,

 Glory to You Who has loved us with love immeasurable, deep, Divine,

 Glory to You Who has surrounded us with light, with hosts of angels and saints,

 Glory to You, O Holy Father, Who has willed us Your Kingdom,

 Glory to You, Holy Spirit and life-giving sun of the future age,

 Glory to You for everything, O Divine Trinity, all bountiful,

 Glory to You, O God, unto ages of ages. “

Source obtained 4/17/2013 http://www.stnicholasdc.org/files/Prayers/Akathist-of-Thanksgiving.pdf

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Feelings Come, Feelings Go: Loving God Anyway.



photo by Fr. Lawrence Lew, OP
View more of Fr. Lawrence's Photos on Flickr

St. Francis de Sales observed two common mistakes among spiritual people. "The first is that they measure their devotions by the consolations and satisfactions that they experience in the service of God; so much so, that if theses are lacking at times, they feel that they have lost all their piety. No, this is nothing but a sensible devotion."  

We usually think of "sensible" as meaning "practical" but in the spiritual life it is used to describe something that is experienced by the senses, through our bodies. Sensible devotions are sometimes called consolations and may be feelings of love, tears of contrition or joy, sensations of warmth, or other spiritual delights he gives us as beginners in prayer to encourage us and to help us to understand His love for us.

St. Francis is describing souls who feel like they have lost their devotion to God when those good feelings go away. Many of us have experienced this very real pain of thinking that we no longer know God, that He is gone, that we are doing something wrong. But St. Francis says, "The true and substantial devotion does not consist in these things, but in having a will that is resolute, active, prompt and constant in not offending God and in fulfilling all that which appertains to His service."

We begin our spiritual journey drawn by our feelings, and then we must use our will to make choices that can at times be like engaging in a battle with ourselves. It can be so hard to really believe that prayer, our relationship with God, is deeper than than the feelings we have or the consolations we experience. Our feelings and emotions so often create our reality, but God is calling us beyond those feelings to allow Him to create our reality anew.

St. Francis de Sales goes on "The second mistake is that if they should ever do something with repugnance or weariness, they feel that they have not gained any merit." Sometimes we feel like we must not love God if prayer is no longer a delight or if we feel like we are getting nothing out of Mass and wish we didn't have to go sit there for an hour. We may even feel that we are offending God when we pray, do a charitable work, go to Mass or confession without any good feelings but only because we know we should. 

Our dear saint gives us hope, "On the contrary they have gained greater merit, for a single ounce of good performed with weariness and without satisfaction while the soul is undergoing a period of spiritual darkness, is worth more than one hundred pounds of good done with pleasure and satisfaction, because the first was performed with a stronger and purer love than the latter. Hence, no matter how much aridity and repugnance the sensitive part of us may feel, we must not lose courage but continue along our way."

So when we continue to pray, to go to Mass, to do what we know is right but we feel nothing - or worse we feel just awful - we are not offending God. As long as we keep "doing" it doesn't matter what we are "feeling." Whether we emotionally feel love for God is less important than the day to day choices we make. Remember the wise words of St. Francis de Sales, "Do not lose courage! Just continue along our way."